SHENZHEN SHENANIGANS

Please go to The Sino Files for more. [Might not be up for a while, though].

With the DPRK foreign minister already in Beijing, the real story behind the aborted cross-border train trial with South Korea breaks. It turns out, unsuprisingly enough, that it was all South Korea’s fault. "The blame for the failure to have that trial operation entirely rests with your side," says Kwon Ho Ung, head of the DPRK’s delegation to the inter-Korean ministerial talks, over the telephone to the ROK. Kwon says it is South Korea’s duty to settle Yellow Sea dispute first, but the way he puts it will surely go down as one of the great statements of Asian history:

"Your side will not deny the fact that it is a vital matter directly linked with the destiny of the nation to take a military step for guaranteeing peace under the present situation that the U.S. moves to isolate and stifle the DPRK have reached the extremes and huge armed forces of both sides are standing in acute confrontation with each other."

The rest of the news pales in comparison, but here’s a brief roundup -

China wants to attract students, and oil companies, and even Microsoft. It plans to make Beijing policemen better drivers, and public servants less corrupt, and revive the dying Yangtze. And it is as pissed with the International Standards Organization, as the nation’s AIDS patients are with a board elected to oversee the fight against the disease.

Finally: In A-bian Watch, it’s schadenfreude! The national media exults at the shame of Chen Shui-bian.

The chastening continues: Former Japanese PM Yoshiro Mori and an ex-government spokesman slam Koizumi’s Yasukuni shrine visits, China kicks out an Italian mountaneer who climbed Mt Qomolongma from the Nepalese side, and a 22-year-old ponytailed art school sophomore is criticized after exhibiting closeups of her own vagina. Awaiting sanction is the Vatican-picked bishop who defies the authorities by officiating in a religious ceremony.

In Olympics news, Beijing unveils plans for a "green" Games, and a smoke-free Games. And maybe Zidane as mascot as well?

And the nation plans to counter the "China threat" by propagating its culture, while many Chinese dialects move closer to extinction.

A Bloomberg story highlights seven Chinese billionaires fighting the curses of Communist wealth,  as a former tycoon asks for charity.

Finally: during the Dragon Boat festival, be wary of the zongzi.

Forget Brangelina’s Namibia baby, and move over TomKitten. Sunday’s big news revolves around the new baby girl born to pop diva Faye Wong, with pictures [though not of the newborn] provided by the China Daily.

Far less important is the revelation that Henry Kissinger called the Japanese "sons of bitches" for wanting normal relations with China. And the news that the many Rosa Parks of Shanghai have been allowed to sit anywhere they like on the bus.

But Sunday is for Sunday reading, and among the stories you should definitely try are: The Midland Reporter-Telegram’s take on how China is critical to the DPRK issue, the Boston Herald on the lessons to be taken from China’s military buildup, the China Daily on corporal punishment in the country, the Washington Post on sixth-graders playing mahjong in Virginia, and the Christian Science Monitor on important fragments of Chinese history which never really happened.

Finally: let’s hear it for Chairman Miaow!

A time for chastening: The US asks Taiwan to lift restrictions on trade with the mainland, and the owner of the Mao painting [previously mentioned here] calls off the auction after being criticized by Internet users [fashionably called "netizens" in these parts]. Also chastened is real estate tycoon Zhou Zhengyi, who completes a three-year-sentence for fraud and stock manipulation.

But how about those who just won’t learn? So the Pentagon describes China as a "credible threat," as Beijing moves to build a high-tech army. And yet the US is hiring a Chinese company to detect nuclear materials [Dubai Ports World, anybody?], with the lawmakers choosing to concentrate on the appointment of the new trade chief instead.

Back on the mainland, China’s central bank blames rising salaries on a shortage of workers, while on the other hand, college enrolment slows so as not to add to the workforce. Huh?

And although the Dalai Lama is slammed for his autonomy demand, his light still burns bright. Which cannot be said, however, for Archbishop Anthony Li Duan.

Incredibly enough, China is said to be winning the war on piracy. But the war on gang crime is harder.

In media news, Tuanjie, China’s non-Party newspaper celebrates 50 years.

Finally: the China Daily has pictures from the 2006 China International Advertising Model Contest in Chongqing.

It’s been over a quarter-century since China’s economic and social [and cultural] reforms were initiated, and the China Daily has a lovely set of pictures from the early days of the drive here. My favorite snap is this one, a 1979 photograph which was criticized as "capitalist romanticism."

Back to the present day, Bank of China prices its IPO near the top of the expected range, raising US$ 9.7 billion in the world’s largest IPO since 2000. However, Hong Kong shares slip as China Mobile declines, even as it nears its first overseas acquisition.

And foreign winemakers try to hook China on to expensive wines, although they might not be attending the festival of Moldovan wines in Beijing.

In A-bian Watch: Chen’s son-in-law is held over an insider trading scandal.

Finally: the gorgeous former Miss China Du Juan takes catwalks by storm.

Mark your diaries people; reschedule all bondage parties you might be planning to throw around that time. His Excellency Paek Nam Sun, minister of foreign affairs of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, will visit China between May 30 and June 6 at the invitation of Chinese Foreign Minister Li Zhaoxing, says Xinhua. Paek also plans to visit Guangzhou, which is where I plan to meet him.

Meanwhile, Angela Merkel winds up her trip to China, not with the much-coveted Maglev deal, but with a visit to the bishop.

In other international trade, the U.S. State Department backs away from Lenovo, as the computer-maker slams it as "Cold War mentality."

Back in China, the nation raises its fuel prices, but can’t dampen the enthusiasm of car buyers.

And Tibet is the new Gold Rush: Chinese businessmen flock to Tibet to make money, possibly by selling substandard Chivas Regal.

Finally: who’s afraid of the Big Bad Condi?

Premier Wen Jiabao meets Angela Merkel and they hit it off solidly: we mentioned the morning walk in these pages yesterday, now China Daily has pictures of the two taking in some exercise at the Beijing Changpu Park. The hot topic of discussion between the two is not the maglev rail line, but the upcoming football World Cup; Wen claims he will stay up to watch the matches. Also note the really cute picture that the China Daily carries.

Meanwhile the Liaoning Province government promises help to unemployed families, possibly to try and stop them from making a living out of selling human bodies.

The Times in London carries the story of a copper trader who vanishes after losing the government US$300 million. Well, at least he won’t be escaping to Hong Kong via our heavenly city of Shenzhen.

And a Reuters article describes how religion and politics mix awkwardly for China’s Muslims.

In more important news, actress Gong Li tops a Chinese beauty list compiled by the Beijing News. The obvious transsexual Li Yuchun comes in second, shockingly.

Finally: where in China can you see a giant pink penis?

So Angela Merkel arrives in China, and the first thing she does is take a walk in the park. Kofi Annan, of course, goes one better and names a pine tree. But it is a good time for foreign relations: the Chinese FM visits the Bahamas, the nation’s top legislator meets the President of Moldova, and the deputy chairman of Sudan’s ruling party is simply gushing after visiting Beijing.

Meanwhile, China tries yet again to "cool" the "overheated" property sector, as a property boycott protester is gagged.

Big, bigger, biggest: Bank of China prints an extra million subscription forms for its IPO, the number of mobile subscribers in the country increases to 416 million, and the economy looks set to overtake the US by 2050.

Finally: would you rather sit through a pirated DVD of "The Da Vinci Code," or endure 100 slaps to the face?

An A-bian special: With his approval rating at 20 percent or 16 percent, depending on which poll you trust, Chen Shui-bian finally apologises to the Taiwanese public for the recent scandals involving his family. On Saturday, Chen says, "I’m sorry to everybody," and promises the "sternest investigations" into his lawbreaking relations and friends.

To rub salt into the wound, Beijing once again rejects a bid by Taiwan for participation in the WHO, after the publication of an MOU which the Taipei Times labels a "sham." In retaliation, Taipei thumbs it nose at the mainland’s "social chaos."

Back on the mainland, East China’s men are getting fatter, making online dating absolutely necessary.

With the Three Gorges Dam completed, the Age in Melbourne questions its cost, but dam experts say criticism is not just good, it is necessary.

Finally: [snigger, chortle] do you know the name of the new Guns N’Roses album?